Mother Gravity

I am sure that you have noticed by now, that I am a pretty straight forward kind of woman.  People will hear me say, “I am, who I am” and sometimes the person will reply back, “Are you Popeye the sailor man?”  🙂  No, that I am not, but I don’t get embarrassed easily.  In fact, I’m the first to laugh at something dorky that I have done.  I guess you could say that I am a little twisted, because I will think to myself, “Boy, wait until my friends hear about this one.”

With that said, let me tell you my latest endeavor and the lessons that I have learned.  My husband and I decided to treat our kids to a surprise trip to an indoor trampoline park.  If you have never heard of a place like this, think of it as an upgraded version of a birthday party bouncy house place.  But instead of inflatable slides, you have wall to wall trampolines to jump on.

My children had been invited to a birthday party before, were we had experienced this new bounce craze.  Ever since that party, they have wanted to go back.  In fact, many times during their Christmas Vacation, they asked if they could go.  Well, due to a few reasons, I had not been able to take them yet. Little things like money and car problems would not allow it.  Not to mention the fact that I would be taking them alone, since Frank got to escape to work for 9+ hours each work day.  I am the first to admit that I am amazing, but I know my limitations.  I was not going to go to this big place, alone, with four kids.  I wouldn’t be able to keep my eyes on all of them at once and they would not want to stay together.

So I suggested to Frank that we should take them there on the last Saturday of the kid’s Christmas Vacation.  I decided that it would be a good end to a long drawn-out two weeks together.  Okay, the truth was that I wanted to get them out of the house to work off some energy.  What better way to do that than to bounce it off.  Besides, I was getting so stir crazy from being with these kids, that I wanted to do some bouncing of my own.

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I am not the athletic kind of mom.  I am not “in shape” and I definitely could lose more than a few pounds.  But as I said, “I am, who I am”!  I am a duplicate of my mother and proud of it.  You couldn’t hug my mom around the waist and clasp your hands together.  She was the definition of what a friend’s niece called “loveliness” or what some people in the past would call “A woman with a lot of girth”.  That was my mom and I was not ashamed to be like her.  Because it’s not what the person looks like on the outside that matters, it’s their beauty on the inside.  I could go on and on about the weight thing, but that is another story entirely.  However, for this story, I think you can understand that I was about to participate in an activity that would not show my most flattering side.  But sometimes you have to live a little and just throw caution to the wind.  Besides, there wasn’t anyone there that knew me, except my family.

So off to the trampoline place we went and I was ready to jump.  Well, I say I was ready to jump, but I was wrong.  I was not as ready as I thought.  Like I said earlier, I have learned a few lessons that I will not soon forget.  Once we got on our jumping socks, we headed for the trampolines.  Like I said, there is wall to wall trampolines to jump on, with padded barriers covering the trampoline frames.  Plus a trampoline wall, so to speak, so there is no way to fall off of the elevated trampoline.  It’s heard to explain, but I have to say it’s a pretty darn clever idea.

I hadn’t been on a trampoline since I was Marie’s age, so what I experienced might have been typical.  There is probably a scientific term for what I experienced, but I will call it “Mother Gravity”.  I took my first jump on the trampoline and while my body went up, my bladder content went down.  Yep, I had tinkled in my pants.  Just a bit, nothing my pantiliner wouldn’t catch.  So I stopped and suggested the little ones go potty with me, for their purposes.  😉

After our potty break, we went to bounce again.  Same thing, I would jump and Mother Gravity would rear its ugly head.  Did that stop me, nope.  I was having fun with my kids and I didn’t care.  Besides, I had my pantiliner to protect me from embarrassing accidents.  Did I wear the pantiliner purposely for this event, heck no!  I wear a pantiliner on a daily basis to keep me dry during the moments when I yell at my kids so loud that I lose all bladder control.  Or on those occasions when I’m walking along and sneeze or cough too hard and don’t have time to brace myself.  Or when I laugh so hard that I pee my pants.  Yes, my name is JoAnn Williams and I can’t control my bladder! I need to find some sort of bladder control support group or something.

I suppose this fact should embarrass me, but instead, I carry it like a medal.  I am a 44-year-old mother of four and I have every right to have a weak bladder.  I am woman, hear me roar.  (but there will probably be some tinkling during that roaring).  🙂  So as you can imagine, the more fun I had jumping, the wetter my pantiliner got.  But I bounced on, because I didn’t care.

Thankfully, I was wearing heavy blue jeans, so they helped absorb the little accidents that I was having.  Besides, when you are jumping on a trampoline, you sweat big time.  You don’t know your sweating, until you take a break and the breeze isn’t there to dry the sweat.  Then you realize your sweating your butt off.  What a way for a workout, too bad I couldn’t afford to make this a weekly fitness routine.  I was having fun and exercising at the same time.

Thirty minutes into our jumping Mother Gravity kicked in even stronger.  I’m not sure if it was from the fact that I was getting tired and couldn’t hold my stomach muscles as well or if it was from the laughing, but it wasn’t good.  My husband was taking a selfie on solid ground with me jumping in the background.  When I noticed what he was doing, I jumped over to a closer trampoline.  I was laughing so hard at what the pictures probably looked like, that I lost it all.  Yep, I peed my pants.  I didn’t just tinkle, the flood gates opened up.  LOL  I instantly made a dash to the restroom, with my little kids hot on my heals.  Because mom can’t go anywhere without my youngest following me.  I made it to a restroom stall and confirmed what had happened.  I am a grown adult and I peed my pants in public.  Oh well, it happens.

Now, most women would have packed their family up and headed home, but I’m not most women. We paid for a whole hour of jumping and the fact that Mother Gravity caused me to have an accident didn’t mean that I had to ruin my kids fun.  So what do you do when your pantiliner is so saturated that it doesn’t even want to stick anymore?  I don’t know what you would do, but I decided to use the napkins that I had in my pocket to create a make-shift pantiliner.  In fact, this could be how the first pantiliner was invented.  Who knows?!?!?!

Due to the fact that my ‘Loveliness’ causes me to look like an overstuffed teddy bear, I was pleased to discover that the area of my jeans that was wet was not noticeable to the human eye, if I was standing with my feet together.  For once, I was thankful for my extra padding.  🙂  So I decided to go back out and finish our jump time.  I didn’t jump quite as freely, but I did jump.  I had fun with my family and didn’t care how many fluids were coming out of me.  I must note that if the pee had run down my leg, things would have ended differently.

I know you are thinking that I was too embarrassed to tell my husband and kids.  Heck no, “I am, who I am”!  In fact, those selfie photos that my husband took, with me in the background, will forever be referred to as the pee pee photos.  LOL  Cause that is when mom actually lost it all.  When we recall this event in the future, I will remind them that I was a mother of four and had a valid reason to have such bladder problems.

Does this story mean that I will not be going to an indoor trampoline park again to jump?  Heck no, it means that next time I will come prepared.  I’ll be sure to wear an overnight maxi pad to hold the access fluids.  Heck, I might go and invest in some Depends just for those occasions.  Who knows?  But a little bit of tinkling isn’t going to stop this mom from having fun.

By know, you might be wondering why I shared this embarrassing story with you.  Because I believe I am not the only mother to experience this.  I truly believe that motherhood causes things like this to happen.  Your body cares an unborn baby for 9-weeks and it makes things a little weaker.  Is that a crime, no it’s reality.  Then for the next 5, 6, heck 9 years of that child’s life, the mother is still carrying them at some time or another.  It’s what a mom does, it’s part of the job.  But the weaker bladder doesn’t make the mom weaker, it makes the mother’s bond with the child that much stronger.  It’s a medal to be worn proudly.

It just occurred to me that there could be one more reason that might make my experience a little more different from some other mothers.  All four of my child were delivered as c-sections, not natural childbirth.  So that might play into some of my abdominal weaknesses as well.  So if you are a mother that delivered your child(ren) naturally and you don’t have this issue, it could be because of my c-sections.  But I do believe that all mothers would have some degree of “Mother Gravity” happen if they jumped on a trampoline.  If that is the case, then welcome to the club, the MGC (Mother Gravity Club).  I am willing to be the president of the club, but don’t be surprised if I need to run to the restroom if I start to cough, sneeze or laugh to hard during the meetings.  It’s just who I am!  😉

3 thoughts on “Mother Gravity

  1. Oh my dear, I have been a member of the MGC for a while now! I’m a 50+ mother of 7, all natural births, so it isn’t the c-sections. It’s just age and pregnancies and it is an honor! You think trampolines are bad, trying lifting weights LOL. Maxipads, the depends of the poor, lol!!!! What a fun mom you are, your kids will NEVER forget that day and the fun time they had with you and dad. One line in your story just jumped out and that is this: “Because it’s not what the person looks like on the outside that matters, it’s their beauty on the inside.” We need to BELIEVE this and teach it to the next generation. Our daughters and even our sons are getting sucked into the lie that they are not worthy unless they look a certain way. We are all worthy simply because we are created in the image of God! And we ALL have beauty on the inside and need to find ways to let it shine forth! Bravo, this is one of my all time favorite posts of yours.

    • MominKC, Glad to hear that I am not the only one. 🙂 What you said is true, we need to teach the younger generation to look for the beauty within themselves and within others. A person’s physical features will change with age, so you shouldn’t base a relationship on the person’s exterior beauty. It’s the beauty inside that makes the person more and more beautiful as old age changes their physical appearance.

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