Late Again

{Just to clarify, this is a story I had written back in 2013.  A lot of things were different then.  I had an office job at the time and life was a lot more stressful.  My kids and I have matured greatly over the years.  However, we still have those days that we are late for school.  Yet the mornings are not as stressful as they use to be and I am so glad they are not.}

Do you know that game called “I’m tired”? My kids do. We play it before school, practically every morning. One morning, I’m ranting and raving through the house as I am scrambling to find a jacket for Patrick to wear. I finally came to the conclusion that a leather jacket, that is way too warm to wear right now, is his only option. As I am slamming the door shut with the leather jacket in my hands I find Patrick sitting in the van with a lightweight jacket on, ready to go. I was fuming. If I were a cartoon character, I would have had fire shooting from my ears!

I get them to school, LATE, which is sad, considering we live less than a block away. I am sure Patrick and his sisters completely forgot the scene and went on with their day like it was wonderful. I, however, sat in the school parking lot, trying to breath deeply and get calmed down. As I back out and point my van in the direction of work, I say another prayer to God for help and guidance.

I had already said our traditional pray with the kids as I am racing to school. You know the kind of prayer. The one that has little in-your-window comments in it. Things like, “God, thank you for this day you have given us. Help us all throughout the day and help my children understand the importance of getting to school on time in the morning….” Yes, it is my prayer of guilt. I am trying to make my kids feel bad by asking God to help them to stop being such “a kid” and get to the school on time. Does it work, probably not. I am sure once they hear me start praying out loud, they probably tune out what I am saying. However, it helps me to get my frustration out. And what better person to talk to, when you are so furious with your children that if you started spanking them you would probably end up beating them to death, than God.

So now, I am saying a much calmer prayer to God, with a little less stress and anger. I am thanking him for having Ann walk into her classroom for the second day straight without crying. This, in itself, is a miracle. I am asking him to get me through the day and to remove the anxiety that I have felt all morning long. After I finish my prayers, I turn on my CD and sing along as Matthew West sings Strong Enough. That is one of the songs that gets me ready for the day ahead. And when I am at a weaken, frustrated state like I was today, it also makes me cry. But that is good, sometimes I need to cry.

I hate to say it, but this is a typical morning for me. I have some good ones in between, when everything goes smoother or I am less tired and emotional and can keep my cool. However, if you were to drive by my house around eight in the morning, you would most likely see me storming out of the house with my head spinning around and yelling at the kids like there was a fire to run from. I told my oldest this morning, “It’s mornings like this that make me thankful to go to work.” Cause that means I don’t have to spend as much time with my children!!! I wonder sometimes why God blessed me with four children. Really, what was he thinking?

{As I mentioned in the beginning, this was something I wrote on September 17, 2013 and never published.  I’m not sure if that was because I was ashamed at the time to confess that mornings were too tough or because I never got the time to go back and edit the story.  Although my mornings are not this bad any more, I wanted to post it.  It helps me see how much better things have gotten.

Just a side note, on September 17, 2013, Marie would have attended the 5th grade.  Just three months after her brain surgery.  Patrick was attending the 3rd grade, for the first time, and would end up repeating the grade the following year.  It was a tough decision to hold him back, but it was the best thing for him.  Ann was in Pre-K and Christopher was attending a daycare that Frank took him to every morning.

I would have returned to work full-time at my desk job and not have the slightest idea of what date I would be laid off.  I knew my job was going away, but not when it was going to happen.  That sort of uncertainty was part of the reason I was so stressed back then.  Thank God that my life is a lot more laid back now and thank God that he helped me through those rough days back then.}

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