Don’t let the title confuse you. I have not been put in a straight-jacket and locked in a padded room. Not yet anyway! 😉 No, this is a different type of committed that I just realized I was struggling with. The commitment of making appointments and setting dates to be at a specific place and time. This is the type of committed that I’m referring to.
For the past 7 months, I have been a wandering gypsy in a way. I have had an open calendar of possibilities…and I have LOVED it! After being laid off from my job of 15 years, it was a breath of fresh air to be able to NOT have to go anywhere. I had my daily routine of getting the kids to school, but after that my day was full of possibilities.
This new-found freedom was hard to get use to at first. I had volunteered to help out at the kid’s school for field trips and such. I had agreed to work as a substitute teacher at the school when they needed me. But other than that, I had no commitments. Which was good, because for a few months, I was stuck with a van that was handicapped. It could make it up the block to take the kids to school and down the block to bring the kids home. Otherwise, the van was parked in our driveway to rest.
Having a vehicle limitation made it easier for me to get use to this new “no schedule” life. I like this sort of life. However, all good things must come to an end. That is where I am now, at the end of my hiatus. My separation package has run out and now I am filing for unemployment. Do you know what that means? That means I have to search for work. That means I’m going to have to be committed to going to a job everyday. Boy, I hate that. I want to stay a gypsy for a bit longer.
The silly thing is, I didn’t know I loved being a wanderer until I had to send in my first job application. I got this anxiety that I hadn’t felt in a while and then it occurred to me, by sending out that application I’m making a commitment. A commitment to go to an interview, if they call me. A commitment to going to work every day, if I get the job. God help me when the time comes that I have to be fully committed to a company again. But for now I will not worry about it. I will enjoy the time I have to be fully committed to my family and myself and not worry about the future. Because if I start worrying about the future, I will surely be committed in the other way. You know, the straight-jacket and padded room way. 😉