The Determination Is Back! (Confessions of a Middle-Age Mom – Chapter 9)

Sunday was the day of packing for our big trip to see my sister and go to the One Direction concert.  So what was I doing around the middle of the day instead of packing?  I was mowing the front and back lawn.  My husband was telling me I was stupid for doing it in the heat of the day and my reply back was, “I thought we already determined that I was stupid.”  🙂  Was the lawn so out of control that I just HAD to mow it today?  No.  Then why would I do this particular task on this specific day?  My only answer is to give me a chance to regroup and prepare for the journey ahead.

You see, I needed to get away from my kids and all their questions.  With their many levels of excitement over their recent news and the realization that in less than 24 hours I was going to be taking a long journey, ALONE, with my four kids, I needed to get into the zone, so to speak.  So I went to mow the lawn.  I find great tranquility in mowing the lawn.  The roar of the mower makes all the outside noise disappear.  I can forget about being mom for a few minutes and just think about everything going on.  Plus, mowing makes me feel like I have accomplished something.  I can look at the grass that has been cast aside and feel like I have done a good job.  In the house, I can clean a room and it will be disrupted before I leave the room.  That gives me no sense of accomplishment.

Then there’s the ‘Me-Time’ that I get with mowing.  I can think about what is going on and come up with philosophical theories of what my family has experienced.  Yes, I have some pretty deep thoughts every once in a while.  So as I was mowing I was thinking over the feelings I was having.  I  was excited about the concert, yet didn’t look forward to driving the long distance without Frank.  I understood why Frank couldn’t go with us, but I also hated that he wasn’t going with us.  As I said, we have never traveled alone before.  So leaving Frank behind was worrying me.  Not that he’s not old enough to care for himself, but I had worries that some unusual thing might happen while I was gone.  Because I am Super Mom after all and I need to be there for any disasters.  So as I was mowing, I noticed a very long branch that is hovering over the power line that leads from our house to the power pole.  So I said a prayer to God and asked him to keep that branch from falling while I was gone.  Not that the situation would be any different if I was there when it happened, but we would at least face the situation together, as a team.

As you can see, I was finding out that I had as much nervousness about leaving the house as I did about the journey itself.  So after mowing the lawn and getting cleaned up, I went in and faced the inevitable…packing.  By evening, it was time to pick up the rental car.  That should be simple enough?  Boy was I wrong.  We got to the rental place to find out that the rental company wouldn’t rent the car to me without a credit card.  Frank and I haven’t had a credit card since we filed bankruptcy years ago.  So what now?  They had taken my money out of my checking account already, yet, they wouldn’t give me a car to drive.  So back home we went.

Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.  Frank was beside himself and the kids were all freaking out.  I called the reservation center about the problem and found out that they can reimburse me for it, but I would have to shell out more money for a new rental car from another company that WOULD accept debit cards.  Of course, I also had to put down a $100 deposit, since I didn’t have an official credit card.  This was not happy news to me, but thankfully we had enough money in our bank account to make it work.  This little glitch did not make me happy, but it did serve a good purpose.  It gave me the extra push I needed to go on this trip.  It also gave me the emotional meltdown that I needed.

You see, I had held in a lot of emotions from the past couple of days.  So when we discovered the credit card issue, we came home and I sat in the kitchen and cried.  Why?  Because I was tired and felt like the world was really making this more difficult than it needed to be.  Here I was, trying to do this unbelievable thing for my kids.  The same kids that were currently screaming and fighting with each other.  I needed to get everything packed for the trip, but as I looked around I realized I didn’t want to leave our house in such disarray.  I needed to get a rental car, but didn’t want to put us in any sort of financial situation.  I wanted to go see my family, but I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my house.  So that is why I sat down and cried.  I needed to let all these emotions out.

After my little meltdown, my attitude kicked into overdrive.  I went from doubting and wondering why I was taking this journey, to feeling determined to overcome anything that was put in my way.  Yes, I am a very stubborn woman and if you tell me I can’t do something, I will work even harder to accomplish it.  Even if I’m really not very interested in doing it.  If you tell me I can’t, I’ll prove to you I can.

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