It just occurred to me that it has been one year since I was laid off from my job. Where has the year gone? So many things I have done that I had not planned to do. So many things that I hoped to do that I haven’t started to do.
I will admit it, the longer I stay away from working in the corporate world, the harder it is to return. Yes, I have had a year of leisure and I have enjoyed it. I know this can’t last forever, because my unemployment benefits will be running out by the end of the year. However, I think I really needed this time off.
As I look back on the person I had been and knowing the stress and worries I was carrying around, I am very thankful that I was laid off. Because I would have never left my job on my own. I would have worked there until I died. Sad to say, but I think that my death probably would have come quicker if I had stayed there. Because the stress I was under to conform to the corporate’s rules was killing me.
I know this might come as a surprise to you, but I am a people pleaser. I tend to try my best to make others around me happy. I strive to do my best so that those around me will tell me, “Good job!” However, as I get older, I find myself not caring as much about that. I find myself thinking about what makes me happy and focusing on that a little bit more.
Yet, when I was working in the corporate world, I was constantly struggling to be the best mom and the best employee I could be. So it’s no surprise I was stressed all the time. It’s impossible to be a good mom and be there for your kids in their time of need and not feel guilty that you had to leave your boss hanging. Not to mention, trying to make up for the time you missed at work when there isn’t enough waking hours in the day.
I was honestly burning my candle at both ends and I was on the verge of completely burning up. I was doing my best to at least be present at my job for 40 hours a week so I would get a full paycheck. But I was also staying up late at night, trying to get things caught up at home for the next days school/work day. I was not getting enough sleep, so my body was dragging more and more. It was not good and I thank God that I was laid off, otherwise I would have never been able to break the cycle.
I will honestly tell you that I have not completely fixed all of my problems. I still struggle to keep ahead of the game when it comes to laundry and housework. I still have a problem sleeping for 8 hours straight. Which is why you will often find that I have posted a new addition to my blog overnight. Because I have learned that if I can’t sleep, it’s because I have something on my mind that I need to get out. So I will wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning and sit in the darkness of my living room, typing out the thoughts in my head. Then an hour later, after I have released my thoughts into the blog world, I will crawl back to bed and sleep like a baby.
I know I need to get my sleeping pattern straighten out, but that hasn’t happened yet. However, I do have a lot less stress in my life, because I am currently my own boss. I don’t have to try to please the corporate world anymore. Having that pressure removed has been like Heaven.
I know that this little hiatus will come to an end soon. I know that I will have to get a full-time job once my unemployment benefits run out. But, I also know that I needed this break from the rat race. I needed to stop running on that hamster wheel, trying to reaching for the cheese that was dangling in front of my face. Because, no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to get that cheese.
I guess you could say that the moral to this story is that sometimes bad things happen for a good reason. Nobody wants to be laid off from their job, yet it might be the best thing that happens to them. It might be the break that you need to stop and really look at the person you have become. Who knows, getting laid off might actually save your life…I think it saved mine.