Tag Archive | future

2015 in review

It’s been a great year!

There were a great number of things that happened in 2015.  Below is just a few things that come to mind:

I got to see One Direction in concert with my kids, sister and niece.

I got to substitute teach at more schools in a variety of subjects.

I got my book “Baby Steps of Faith – Marie’s Story” self-published on the Kindle Store.

My blog has had great activity also. (see the stat report below)

 

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,400 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 23 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

 

I would like to thank everyone for reading my blog and I hope that some of my posts have made your life a little bit easier.  I look forward to the great things that 2016 has to offer for us all.

Happy New Year!

Advertisements

It Will Be Okay (Life After Layoff – Chapter 23)

If you read my last post, you know that I was struggling with the devil on my back.  But no more, because ‘It will be okay’.  I had doubts of my future and my capabilities in myself.  But no more, because ‘It will be okay’.  I started reading the bible and although I didn’t find the answers clearly stated in the scriptures, I found something I can’t explain.  Because I now know that ‘It will be okay’.  So I guess you could say I found peace, strength, comfort and perspective in the scriptures.  I found my foundation again and I am grounded enough to say to myself, ‘It will be okay.’

How do I know this?  Because the devil has tested me the last 48 hours and I have not faltered.  I have stayed calm and stayed strong enough to keep my eyes on God and continue to find peace in knowing, ‘It will be okay.”  I will not lie, my biggest weakness in my life is the importance I place on money in the bank account and the control I want over my future.  These are two things I have always struggled with and probably always will.

I know that money is not the center of the universe, but I feel better when I know that I have a little cushion in our checking account.  I have never wanted to be rich, because if you have a lot of money it’s hard to know who likes you for you and who likes you for your money.  However, I don’t like to worry about where the money is going to come from.

I also try my best to let the future be the future and not try to control it.  But that is not something I am always successful with.  I have learned throughout my life that worrying about what the future will not make things any better.  In fact, worrying about the future will not only ruin the future, but also ruin the present.  So I try my best to live for today and leave the future in the future.  However, it is hard sometimes to not get overwhelmed with what my future has to bring when I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  But I know that ‘It will be okay.’, because I have my Lord to depend on.

Like I said, I have been tested in the past 48 hours by the devil and I am still standing.  The devil knows my weaknesses, which is why he reared his ugly head in the form of a potential NSF fee in our checking account and having our central air unit stop working on the hottest day of the summer.  But, ‘It will be okay’.  Because I have God on my side and through my faith in him, I know that I can get through anything.  You see, the devil might have placed these obstacles in my way, but my Lord was helping me overcome every one of them and even giving me a glimpse into my future.

I thought our checking account was fine, but Frank was concerned after I had went food shopping.  So I looked up our balance online and found out we had a possible NSF waiting for us.  Thanks to Frank’s inquiry, I was able to transfer some money over from our credit union to cover the shortage.  But God didn’t only help us financially in that one event, he also helped me emotionally.  You see, my credit union is at my old job.  So when I went to withdrawal some money I was able to see my old friends Shelly and Dee Dee.  Answering their questions about my summer and my future plans helped me more than I can explain.

You see, we are friends on Facebook, so they know what I have done this summer.  However, we don’t really chat on Facebook, we just like each other’s post.  So having a chance to have a real gab session with my old friends gave me some much-needed comfort and support.  So out of a bad thing, came a good thing.  Isn’t God great?

Later that day, after picking up the kids from school, our A/C blew a fuse.  So during the hottest point in the day, the bank sign read 107 degrees, I was running to a hardware store to buy a new fuse.  Of course, I was not able to get it at the first store, which made the situation even more stressful.  To make a long story short, one of the new fuses I bought blew out right away, so we needed an electrician.

Great, it was the hottest day of the summer…On a Friday evening…and our A/C was out.  But ‘It will be okay’, because God was with us.  The fact that our checking account was not currently extra fluffy with funds didn’t help the matter.  But you see, in the darkest hours God’s love shines even brighter.  I had called our A/C guy, but the call wouldn’t go through.  So what now?

Thank God for Facebook and old work friends.  One of my friends from work had posted her husband’s A/C business on her page a couple of months back.  I had pocketed that info into my brain and was very glad that I did.  It took me some time to find the post again, but I did.  My friend’s husband was willing to come out that night.  I didn’t ask how much it would cost, because we were cooking in the house. I just trusted that God would help with the money situation and I was right.

God sent my friend and her husband to our house sometime around 10:00 pm that Friday night.  Even though it took some time to get it going again, he got the A/C to work again.  It was a temporary fix, so we still need to get some working on the fuse box done.  But the air was on in the house and that was all that mattered at the moment.  After spending an hour or more time at our house…working in the dark…in the heat, my friend’s husband refused to take any money for what he did.  He said he didn’t fix anything, he just got it going again.  God bless that man for all he did!

It’s good to know that there are good people in this world.  It’s good to know that I have friends like this.  Come to find out, my friend’s husband took the time to fix our A/C for free and he had to get up for work the next morning.  I don’t know what else to say except, God is Amazing!

The miracles have not stopped there.  God fixed our current situations, but he also gave me a push into my future.  I have gotten a few responses back from some substitute teaching jobs that I have applied for.  So it seems that God still wants me in a classroom.  So it looks like God is pushing me in the right direction and my plans of being a teacher might come true after all.  God is Awesome!

So, my friends, if you are struggling like I was, I highly recommend you crack open a book.  Not just any book, but the bible.  Open up God’s word to your mind and heart and see what he can do in your life.  He will work miracles in your life…if you let him.  God bless and remember…It will be okay!

Too Much Silence (Life After Layoff – Chapter 22)

I never thought I would ever speak these words, but it’s too quiet at home when the kids are at school.  I know that I have waited all summer for this type of silence, but I discovered something about having too much silence.  It gives my mind too much time to think.  I have finally discovered something that I probably have always secretly known, my mind is my worst enemy.  I assume that this is the case for everyone, but then again, I could be wrong.  As for me, I have discovered that when the kids are around, there is so much noise going on that I don’t have much time to think.  The kids act as some sort of buffer between me and my mind.

But when the house is quiet and I’m all alone, my mind starts playing tricks on me.  I start wondering what I will do with the rest of my life.  I wonder if teaching is really for me.  I start to doubt if I can handle a full-time job.  My dream of publishing a book seems unreachable.  I doubt my ability to go back to school.  I turn into a little kid again, I guess.  Where everything seems scary and impossible.  I lose all confidence and faith in myself.

This might seem outrageous to some of you and maybe it is for most people.  Maybe these feelings are coming from my depression.  I don’t know.  But they are real and I find myself struggling with them more and more.  Before you question, I have not stopped taking my antidepressants or changed the dosage.  The only thing that has changed is that I have more quiet time on my hands.  You see, for two months I had to put all my plans on hold, because the kids were out of school for the summer.  Now that the kids are in school, I have no excuse not to go forward with my plans.

There is only one thing holding me back…me.  I am allowing the devil to get on my back and cause me to struggle.  It’s easier to hear his whispers of doubt in my mind, when there is no kids around to distract me.  Because I know that is where the doubt is coming from…the devil.  So maybe I need to adjust some things in my life.  Maybe I need to start doing something that I have always been too busy to do.  Maybe I need to start taking time each day to let God speak to me through the Bible.

Something that I had wanted to do when I lost my job was to read scriptures daily and pray more for people.  In fact, I wanted to learn how to pray the whole rosary, because it is something I have never learned to do.  But somewhere down the road those plans faded away.  Now that I have this quiet time that is consuming me, I guess I need to start doing what I had planned to do…read the bible daily and pray more.  What better place to look for answers than the bible.

So scriptures, here I come.  To find guidance from my creator.  God put me on this earth for a reason and I don’t think it was for me to work in Accounting all my life.  I know he has plans for my life that I can not even comprehend yet.  Things that I would not believe possible.  So I will trust in Him and let Him help me to fight this wave of doubt and fear that the devil has brought into my mind.  Our God is an awesome God!  It’s sad to say, but sometimes I think we as humans forget that.

In God’s Time (Life After Layoff – Chapter 10)

I am amazed that God hasn’t given up on me by now.  He should be referring to me as a scatter minded woman who can’t make a decision, because that’s how I have acted.  But thankfully, God never gives up on his children.  What is it that has me so scatter minded?  What college to attend.

I started out with my search for a college more than a month ago.  I had my mind set on going to College A, because the tuition was cheaper and it seemed like that would be the best choice.  However, when I couldn’t get an appointment with an academics adviser at College A quickly enough, I started looking closer at what College B had to offer.  I had made an appointment with College A, however College B was able to get me in to see an academics adviser sooner.  So some time over night, my desires to attend College A switched to wanting to attend College B.  Just because they had a sooner opening on their calendar.

However, my youngest son became sick the day of my appointment at College B, so I had to cancel that appointment.  I was able to reschedule with College B and will be meeting with them next week.  Thankfully I still had my appointment set up for College A, which I went to today.

Do you see why God would think I’m pretty scatter minded?  I have two colleges that can give me the same result, but one might cost more than the other.  Due to the fact that one adviser can get me in sooner than the other was enough to switch my desire to attend that college.  Boy, do I need help!

Today I visited with the academic adviser at College A.  Now remember, College A was my first choice from the beginning.  Mostly because of the lower tuition cost.  It’s all about the money people…all about the money.  🙂

As I was driving to College A, I reminded myself that this was my first choice to begin with.  However it’s God’s choice that matters, not mine.  He has the plan for my future, I just have to be willing to show up for the events.  That is my conclusion on life anyway.

After visiting with the academic adviser at College A, I have determined that this might not be the college for me.  At least, that’s what I’m thinking now.  After my appointment next week with College B, I might be singing a new tune.  🙂

This is what I have discovered from my visit at College A:

  • The college is too far away.  It takes me 30 minutes to get to the campus from my house.
  • None of my earlier credits will be accepted.  So I will be starting over as a freshman.
  • About 14 classes can be taken at a Community College and transferred to this college.  Which means the tuition cost would be less for those classes.
  • Another cost that I’m not ready to deal with is textbooks!  I visited the bookstore before my appointment and couldn’t believe the cost of the textbooks.  I’m not talking about the new price either, I’m talking about the used or rented price.  Oh me, oh my!

So where does this leave me?  A little worried, a little confused, a little depressed and a little determined.  Worried, because I want to get my teaching degree as quickly as possible, so I can get a teaching job full-time.  Confused, because I just realized how wishy-washy I have been on this college decision.  One day I like this college, then the next day I change my mind.  Depressed, because I am still not sure what my future is going to bring.  Determined, because when I want something bad enough, I figure a way to get it done.

I also am very insightful, because this setback has made me remember that I wanted to try substituting at different schools before I started college and that hasn’t happened yet.  I have substituted many times this year at my children’s school, which is a Catholic school.  But I have not substituted at a public school or even at another Catholic school.  I have not tested the waters, so to speak, like I had planned to.

As always, it’s going to come together in God’s time…not mine.  So where do I go from here?

  1. Meet with the academic adviser at College B next week.
  2. Keep an open mind to what both colleges have to offer.
  3. Remember that I need to get more exposure to other schools, which won’t happen until this Fall.
  4. Remember that God is in control.

Number 4 is the biggest and toughest one to do.  I know he’s in control of the big things in life, but I have to remind myself that he’s also in control of the little things in life.  So for now, I will be thankful that I got a chance to meet with the academics adviser at College A.  I can take this information and compare it to the information I receive from College B next week.

I will try to stop speeding up the college process and know that it will all fall in place in God’s time.  Last, but not least, I will try to focus my energies on working with my kids this summer.  Teaching degree or not, I’ve got my own class of four to teach for now.  🙂

A Face to Face Interview (Life After Layoff – Chapter 8)

I’ve been busy, putting the wheels in motion to get enrolled in college.  I’ve also been applying for jobs every week,  so I will qualify for my unemployment benefits.  I’ve applied for so many substitute teaching jobs that by the time the new school year starts, I’m going to be pretty busy.  Which is fine.  The more exposure, the better.

Our church bulletin had a job opening posted in it the other day for an Accounts Receivable clerk at a local Catholic school/parish.  It just so happened that the priest that married Frank and I has been assigned to this parish for a few years now.  So I sent in my résumé to apply for the job.

Guess what, I got an interview scheduled that same day.  What are the odds?  I had also made some appointments with two local colleges to take a tour and meet with a financial adviser.  So yesterday was the day of my job interview for the full-time Accounts Receivable position at the Catholic school/parish.

I had mixed emotions when I was driving to the interview.  I spoke to God and told him that I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.  The job posting said full-time, but I was hoping that it could be a job that could be a part-time position, at least for the summer.  That would at least help me with child care during the summer.

My mind has played tricks with me lately.  As much as I want to become a teacher, I have started to question my choice.  Let’s just say that the Devil has been working overtime on my mind.  I’ve had a variety of things pass my mind lately.  Things like:

“Can I handle being a teacher on a daily basis?”

“Can I handle being with my kids all summer?”

“Will a teacher’s pay be enough to keep our family afloat financially?”

“Will I get enough financial assistance to pay for my college?”

“Will I find a job once I get my degree?”

These and so many more things have danced around in my head.  Not enough to scare me, but enough to make me start thinking that getting another accounting job would be easier.  It’s that comfort zone that I have been in for 15 years.  I would go to work and not have to be a mom for 9 hours of my day.  My kids would have to go to summer camp, but at least I wouldn’t have to try to keep them alive on my own all summer long.  Yep, I was looking for an escape route to get out of the path of the unknown.

I do not like change, but I’m doing my best to just ride the wave.  I’ve done well, for the most part, but as the kids are counting down the days before summer starts, I find myself hyperventilating more and more.  I have great ambitions to get my kids in a routine and keep their brains sharp during the summer.  I want them to walk into next year’s school year with sharper skills.  That goal is reachable for me, but when you put my kids into the equation, things start to look bleak.

So you can imagine my conversation with God yesterday morning.  Before it was done, I stopped asking what to do and started telling him what I wanted.  Do you know that when you start talking to God on this level you start learning things that you didn’t expect?  I was telling him things that were tangible and things that only a miracle from God could deliver.

By the time I arrived at the interview, I was able to walk in there with a clear mind.  I knew what I needed from them to make this job work for me.  If the criteria was met, then this was the job for me.  The interview went well and it was nice to have my first face to face interview with my old priest.  Frank, ever the comedian, told me the night before that I should go ahead and make a confession while I was there.  You know, kill two birds with one stone.  Ha ha ha  Isn’t he just a card?

During the interview I told them what I had accomplished in my past positions and asked them questions like hours and wages.  It turned out that they really do want a full-time employee and unfortunately the summer is their end of the year for their financial books.  So that means that one of my biggest hurdles would not be avoided, I would have to figure out what to do with my kids during the summer.

I have always been pretty confident when it comes to interviews, but I did something yesterday that I had never done before.  At the end of the interview I was telling them that I would have to take some time to think over the position.  I would have to see if the salary and the cost of child care would be worth it for me.  This is a common response from someone who has been offered a job, but I hadn’t had it offered to me yet.  When I realized that I was putting the cart before the horse, I had to backtrack a bit.  So I summed it up by saying that while I was thinking it over, they could decide if I would be a good fit to their team.

Needless to say, I have added all the factors together and it would not be a good opportunity to take.  I feel that this was a way of God showing me that I need to stay on the path that I have chosen to take, no matter how hard the path might seem.  So for now, I will continue to apply for substituting jobs and continue my pursuit to get my teaching degree.  Will I be a good teacher?  Only God knows.  So I need to put my trust in him and let him lead me to my next journey in life.

Kind Words of Encouragement

I received a private message today from my High School English teacher.  The message she sent me meant so much that I would like to share it with my followers.  The message read:

{Wow! It’s been almost 2 years since I started reading your every word! I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy your blog. I also want you to know that I am really excited about your becoming a teacher. It is a great fit–you’re kind, loving, energetic, intelligent and have lots of kid experience. As you go thru your teacher prep program and when you start teaching, please know that I am out here ready to hear about every challenge and success and willing to provide any assistance, ideas, activities, etc., that I can. Good work and good luck!}

These kind words of encouragement make me know that I am going in the right direction in my life.  It makes me proud that my High School English teacher enjoys my blog, because she was the teacher that taught me how to be a creative writer.  Back in High School, I was writing more fiction stories, probably because I hadn’t experienced that much yet.  However, she taught me how to think creatively and put my thoughts on paper.

To know that my teacher feels like I would be a good teacher is a good feeling.  Because every time I have this burning desire to be a teacher, I also have a doubt in the back of my mind that I’m not cut out for that line of work.  So it gives me hope to know that there are others in this world that believe in my teaching ability.

Messages like this and the numerous comments I get from my followers gives me the fuel to keep blogging.  When I see the number of hits on my page and how I continue to gain more followers weekly, it makes me know that I must be doing something right.  So let me take this moment to say Thank You, to all of my followers.  My blog has helped me in many ways and it makes me feel blessed to think that my blog might be helping others throughout this world.

The Dreaded Phone Interview (Life After Layoff – Chapter 7)

It’s Friday, the day I have dreaded.  Today is the day I scheduled my phone interview with a cell phone company.  I know this sounds stupid, but although I applied for the job, I really don’t think I can work at a desk job anymore.  Truthfully, I was having trouble staying awake at my last desk job.  I have sleep apnea, which started some time after my second child was born.  Well, that’s not true.  It started when my first child was born, but I didn’t get it diagnosed until my second child came along.  But that is another story in itself.  So the thought of going back to a desk job and fighting the sleep thing every day does not appeal to me.

But I had applied for the job, so I needed to follow through with my intentions and have the phone interview.  It hadn’t occurred to me until last night, but I really was lucky.  It was just a phone interview, it could have been a face to face interview instead.  Marie made me realize that when she questioned me about the interview.  She asked why it wasn’t going to be an interview in person.  I don’t know why, but I am very thankful it wasn’t.

Needless to say, the morning did not start out like I had planned.  The kids were tired from the previous nights activities, (read Head Out of The Sand) so they did not make it to mass this morning.  Well, Marie did, but none of the others did.  So I didn’t get to sit in church and pray for God’s guidance like I had wanted to.  Instead, I got the kids to school around 8:30am and we sat on the bench in the hall until mass was over.  There was not a lot of praying going on in that hallway this morning.  Oh well, you don’t have to be in a church to pray to God.  So when I arrived home, I sit in my quiet house and said a pray for God’s help on this phone interview.  I was nervous, sick to my stomach and very irritable.

The woman from the cell phone company called right at 9:30am.  The interview lasted about 10 minutes.  I am now breathing a sigh of relief, because the position she was interviewing for was the Financial Analyst job, not the Accounts Payable job.  So I explained to her the mix up I made when I submitted my résumé the first time.  She seemed to understand.  God works in mysterious ways.  The Accounts Payable job that I was originally applying for had already been filled.  Praise the Lord!  I don’t know if I have ever been this happy about NOT getting a job before.

So what have a learned from this?  Number one, I need to get the final things completed in my college enrollment so I don’t have to keep applying for jobs.  Number two, be sure the jobs I apply for are second shift or part-time jobs to eliminate any issues of having a babysitter conflict.  And last, but not least, keep my faith in God that he does have a plan for my future and it seems to still be pointing to the teaching field.  Man, I need a nap after this exciting morning.  LOL

What Does My Future Hold? (Life After Layoff – Chapter 6)

Great news, I finally got signed up for unemployment benefits and have actually received a few weeks pay.  However, to get my unemployment benefits, I need to apply for two jobs every week.  No problem, right?  This is the day of technology and a few clicks of the mouse will give you the power to send your résumé to a number of jobs.

So that is what I’ve done.  I’ve applied for one substitute teaching job and one accounts payable job a week.  I’ve applied for 4 jobs in the last two weeks.  Since the school year is almost over, I know that getting a substitute teaching job is probably not likely.  However, it might help me get my foot in the door for next year’s school year.

I applied at a cell phone company the first week.  I was interested in an Accounts Payable position.  However, after I had submitted my résumé, I realized that the job I applied for was Financial Analyst – Reporting.  This is a position I could do, but I don’t WANT to do.  My last position pushed me into a job like that, because all the things I enjoyed doing was taken from me.

So the following week, I applied for the Accounts Payable position at the same cell phone company.  If I had to go back into an Accounting job, which I really don’t want to, Accounts Payable is the one area of Accounting that I still enjoy.  However, I have decided I don’t want to go back to a desk job.  I want to be a teacher.  I want to help kids learn about studies and about life.

Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, that’s what I thought too.  However, something in my résumé has caused a recruiter from the cell phone company to want to go to the next step in the process.  A phone interview.  I know what some of you are thinking.  ‘Good job, you could be back to work in no time.’

Great!  But what will I do with my kids this summer?  I can’t leave them home alone and I can’t afford to send them to summer camp.  Believe me, I did the summer camp thing last year and I had to get a loan at the end of the summer to pay for the remaining weekly tuition.  Not to mention that most summer camps will not take a 13-year-old.  Most camps are for kids that are in the 2nd grade and younger.  However, I don’t feel comfortable leaving my oldest daughter alone during the summer.  I would feel better if my oldest son was at home with her, however, they couldn’t get through a day without fighting.  So what do I do?

Not to mention that I want to go back to college in the fall to get my teaching degree.  I plan to go back to school full-time, while the kids are in school.  So how do I go to school and work at the same time?  See my predicament?

I was told from the unemployment office that I could get my unemployment benefits and not have to apply for jobs if the college classes I was taking were “Approved Training”.  However, I can’t get my college classes approved until I register and start to go back to school.

To some people, this whole thing would not be an issue.  They might fix their job search log so it appeared they were searching for a job when they really weren’t and continue to get unemployment.  But my conscious won’t let me do that.  However, I don’t want to purposely screw up my interview with this cell phone company.  Because there is no telling if it will come back to haunt me later.

So what do I do?  I scheduled my phone interview for Friday around 9:30am.  This way I can go to mass with my kids Friday morning and pray to God that he will get me through this phone interview the honest way.  No, I’m not going to ask God to help me not get the job.  I’m going to hand it over to God and let him guide me in the right direction.

Maybe this opportunity will lead me in a direction that I would never expect.  Only God knows what I am capable of.  Only God knows what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life.  So I need to trust that God will put the right words in my mouth and lead me in the right direction.

I know that my words may sound like I am the bravest person alive.  Truthfully, as I am typing this, I am SCARED TO DEATH!!  Because I think I know what my future has to hold for me and what if God has different plans?  Why did my résumé have to be so darn appealing?  Why couldn’t I have been more of a screw up in my last job?  I know you are thinking that I’m joking, but I’m not.  These are the things that are going through my mind right now.

I guess you could say that I learned two lessons today.

  1. Applying to the same company for two different positions might have made them think I REALLY wanted to work for them.
  2. What I have planned for my future and what God has planned might be two different things.

What will happen at my phone interview on Friday?  I don’t know.  But I do know one thing, I am going to do my best to not worry about it.  I’m going to leave this in God’s hands and trust that he knows what is best for me and my kids.

Pennies From Heaven (Life After Layoff – Chapter 4)

You know that saying about pennies from heaven?  They say that when you find a penny on the ground, it’s a sign that someone in heaven is thinking about you.  After the day I had, that might be true.

I had a big day today, getting one step closer to my future job as a teacher.  When I was heading back to the job placement center after lunch, I found two pennies in the parking lot.  I picked them up, said thanks to my mom for the encouragement and walked in to talk to a college counselor.

Things went better than I expected and I left there with myself much closer to my teaching degree.  I was very pleased with myself.

Then I dropped a few books off at the library, before I picked up the kids from school.  It was then that I found another penny in the parking lot.  This time, as I picked it up, I knew it was mom’s way of telling me she was proud of me.  It brought a tear to my eye, knowing she was watching over me still.

Some people would tell me that those pennies were not from heaven.  They just fell out of a person’s pocket.  But I don’t believe that.  I believe that they are from my mom.

I Am Scared to Death (Life After Layoff – Chapter 2)

Today, I am embarking on a new phase in my life.  I was laid off from my job of 15 years as an Accounting Clerk at an Insurance Company back in August 2014.  I was fortunate enough to get a 7 month separation package from my old company, which meant I got a paycheck and kept my health insurance coverage during that time.  Unfortunately, my 7 month separation package has been exhausted and I am now officially unemployed and without health insurance.

This is part of the reason I am scared to death.  Because I know there is no more big paychecks being deposited into our checking account any more on my behalf.  There is only one pay check coming in from my husband’s job.  My husband has insurance coverage on himself through his company, but it is very expensive and we can’t afford to add myself or the children on his company plan.  If we did, he wouldn’t have a paycheck to cash.

So I am stepping out of my comfort zone to ask for help.  I am in the process of filing an unemployment claim to get some financial assistance for a while.  You see, I have not been sitting around the house the last 7 months.  I’ve worked as a substitute teacher at my children’s school.  I started out doing it for a little extra cash, plus give me a chance to be around my kids.  I had no idea that I would fall in love with teaching, but I did.

This is where the scary part comes in.  I have a plan in my head that sounds practical, but I don’t know if it’s going to work out.  I have an Associate Degree in Accounting and an Associate Degree in Data Processing from a Community College.  The two degrees helped me get into the accounting position at my previous job.  However, to find a job that paid as well as my previous job, I’d need to have a Bachelor’s Degree.

But I decided to go back to college to get a teaching degree instead of a Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting.  Teaching appeals to me more, plus I would be able to have the same hours as my kids do, which would help me with childcare expenses.

I know this may surprise you, but I am not always brave.  I have stood strong and supported my family and friends through many scary things.  I have faith in God above and know he is guiding my every step.  However, when it comes to having faith in myself, I fall short.  That section of my life was reserved for my mother.  She always had faith in my ability to do anything.  However, she is in Heaven now.

Oh, how I wished she was a phone call away today.  Because I needed to hear her tell me that everything would be okay.  Instead, I had to ask myself, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” and the answer is they tell me no.  Then I told myself, if that happens, I’ll just need to go home, regroup and start again.